Every now and then, the universe serves up surprises, like cradling a grown man in a bizarre setting, feeling completely at ease. Welcome, my friends, to the ‘Sacred Dungeon’ that is BliXX and the world of kinky tantra sexuality.
It all started a few months earlier. I’d just finished my yoga teacher training in India. The commercialized yogi vibe wasn’t enlightening, but it clarified what I didn’t want. Luckily, shortly after returning, a job ad on Facebook led me straight into the intriguing tantric scene.
It takes a special sort of person to take you from “hmm, this sounds interesting” to letting a stranger truss you up like a Christmas ham, and for me that person was Bea. A vivacious Spanish woman with a deep understanding of polarity blanketing all areas from BDSM to business and a no-nonsense approach that cut through the new-age bullshit like a laser beam. Bea has the sort of energy that will boot you in the ass (with loving kindness, obv) and give you the courage to hurl yourself into the unknown instead of “om shanti” chanting about the place waiting for things to happen. Her vision was to create a safe-space where people who see others as actual humans instead of sentient fleshlights could get their fuck on surrounded by good vibes and zero judgement. I was down.
A couple of months later, I found myself in a room full of people loudly moaning and massaging their sex chakra while clenching their “anus muscle.” At that moment, I wasn’t sure how down I was anymore, but I’m glad I persevered because shit got profound..
So, if you’ve ever hesitated about attending a tantric sex party, here are 9 crucial insights I discovered:
1. The People Aren’t Total Freaks
I’ll admit it, when I imagined the sort of crowd who would go to a kink-tantric sex party, I was fearing the worst. Visions of doughy social awkward dudes who couldn’t get laid in the ‘real world’ and holier-than-thou hippie types danced behind my closed eyelids the night before. Could I actually…touch these people?!
Thankfully, I didn’t have to find out because everyone was bloody lovely and made me feel instantly dreadful for my hackneyed preconceptions. There were people of all genders, ethnicities, nationalities and sexualities thrown into the mix, but the one thing they had in common was that they were open and heart-meltingly sincere.
Two things really stood out for me when it came to my fellow erotic explorers: their sense of humour when shit got weird and their willingness to toss aside the masks we all wear in the big, bad world. You can’t tell just anyone your darkest sexual fantasy while eating quinoa from a paper plate surrounded by mattresses, but this crowd made it work.
2. It Doesn’t Feel Aggressively Sexual
Like it or lump it, we all have ideas of what sex should be like pounded into our skulls from an early age. Whether it’s a soft-focus montage featuring lustful fistfuls of satin sheets or that scene in Showgirls where Elizabeth Berkley is flapping around like a fish colliding with a cattle prod, it’s all a bit unrealistic.
Thanks to porn, the media and, indeed, the ever present male gaze, having sex is intrinsically viewed as a performative act. One that is essentially a frantic goal-orientated race to make each other come through the holy grail of penetration. It’s also creepily depicted as something that men ‘take’ and women ‘give.’ When you strip back these performative and gendered elements, being sexual seems a lot less scary and shameful.
“Of course, being pinned to a mattress by a shirtless stranger while feeling their teeth gnashing your neck as they play ‘predator’ is sexual, but it’s also hilarious and playful, lenses through which we are not accustomed to viewing sexuality.
Peeking at things from these different angles helps to remove the needless fuck terror of unspoken — and almost always projected — expectations. When you don’t think anyone expects anything of you, it makes everything so much more chill and, dare I say it, innocent.
3. You Don’t Have to Take Your Clothes Off to Have a Good Time
“I’m quick to undress, but getting completely nude in a potentially arousing setting seemed overly bold for me. When mentally exposed, clothes provide security. When you are already exposing yourself mentally and pushing your boundaries, clothes are a nice security blanket.
I don’t know what the opposite of pearl-clutching is, but I honestly expected people to be doing just that over my ‘prudish’ overdressed self killing the vibe. Do you know what, though? Nobody gave a flying fuck that I didn’t strip down and most of them didn’t either, so if you’re apprehensive about baring all, don’t be. You don’t have to take your clothes off to go to a sex party, and that’s official.
4. Basically Everyone You Have Ever Met Is a Pervert, Just Like You. The End
Have your fantasies ever made you feel like retreating into your shame hole, burying yourself in dirt, for humanity’s sake? “For most, the resounding answer is ‘YES,’ but it needn’t be so; everyone you meet isn’t just another pervert like you. The end.
Discussing turn-ons can feel daunting in the land of intimacy, but sharing fantasies in this BliXX Journey normalized vulnerability. If anything, it will make you feel like a total vanilla basic.
Trust me, I bet if you Google ‘Top 10 sexual fantasies’, yours will be there.
5. Consent Is Essential… And Also Awkward AF
Sitting across from someone, declaring your disinterest in their desires can be awkward. Clear consent is vital for kink.
Many acknowledge that consent poses complexity — the BliXX Journey prompted deeper contemplation on its intricacies. Essentially, our empathy drives us to shield others from potential embarrassment. This can lead to going along with things you don’t really want to do, just to be a ‘good’ person.
Telling someone that their kink does nothing for you is excruciating.
You worry about hurting their feelings and fearing judgment. Consider how the other person would feel knowing you’re yielding to sexual demands to be ‘kind’ despite discomfort. Not only is it gross, but it’s also patronising and implies you don’t think they can take a rejection. Fuck putting anyone in that position, just be painfully honest.
6. Eye-gazing Will Blow Your Motherfucking Mind Into Weeping Shards
So, it turns out that if you look into another person’s eyes for a few minutes your mind will explode into tiny specs of stardust, and then some of that stardust will get in your eye and you will have to excuse yourself for crying.
In this moment, I glimpsed a stranger intimately, baring vulnerability, pain, fear, and joy, all laid bare and trusting. My love encompasses us all—me, him, you, and humanity—we’re interconnected, unified in the embrace of shared affection. I felt the connection between us all in my soul.
I slightly overshadowed my profound insight by needing to avoid the guy all night, fearing I’d propose, but it was fun!
7. It’s Surprisingly Easy To Build Intimacy With Strangers
Strangers are scary. Occasionally, they commit various awful acts, such as supporting Trump or initiating conversations on public transportation. You can’t trust them.
Except, you can. When I arrived at the xperience and everyone was awkwardly sitting on the balcony making small talk. I pondered the sheer absurdity of feeling anxious about requesting a cigarette, knowing they might later intimately engage with me. It just didn’t seem like it was possible to drag this nervous and disparate group together.
It was though, and I learned it is surprisingly easy to be intimate with strangers. They don’t know your baggage, you don’t know their baggage and you might never see each other again.
8. Men Can Be Fucking Adorable
One thing that deeply moved me at the event was witnessing men embrace tenderness, sensitivity, and openness, defying societal norms.
Witnessing grown men fearlessly indulging in spanking each other’s behinds, oblivious to judgment, deeply resonated with me emotionally.
9. You’ll Definitely Have a Laugh If Nothing Else
The words “ “I am Louis Theroux, I am Louis Theroux” will probably clatter through your mind more times than you can count, but if you don’t get off at the event, you are at least definitely guaranteed a laugh.
I found the BliXX Journey surprisingly funny and completely acceptable to burst into explosive laughter about at any given moment. The crowd giggled as chants masked failing speakers, and an accidental spank silenced the room, sparking laughter amid chaos.
Somehow, I anticipated seriousness, but amidst those intense moments, tantric sex workshops embodied pure, innocent fun unexpectedly.
Xperience review by our precious BliXXstar: Karly
By K.M. Rayner
DO YOU WANT TO FEEL US AND MEET US IN PERSON? COME TO OUR NEXT XPERIENCE!